May 4, 2010 by Gary Seigel.

Remember the skills that got you hired? You were told some of the following traits were what the team or company needed:

• Risk taker
• Assertive
• Producer, you get things done
• Direct and to the point in communication
• No B.S., you take no prisoners in pushing a project
• Easy going, you can get along with anybody
• Tact & Finesse in difficult communication issues

Oops!! Then you receive the call to your boss’s office right before probation ends, or your performance review, or after a difficult project were completed. The conversation might be something like:   “Hmm, the staff thinks you don’t listen to input and are too abrupt. You’re being accused of flirting, being sarcastic, too flexible, not taking charge…”

I know I was stunned the first time it happened to me. Why are some people perceived as great when they are assertive and brusque, and others are perceived as mean or abrasive for the same traits? When did being diplomatic get you hired but in trouble if a project is being done too slowly?

Often times our perception of ourselves is off base the first year on a new job. When you are brought into a team or company where other employees have been there more than a year, being the new kid on the block can be most difficult. Many of us forget that while people may put on a friendly exterior, trust can take up to a year to grow. People are judging us, and watching and testing. Work is political.

Some tips to make sure why you were hired are what keep you congruent:

• Make sure your job role is crystal clear with you and your boss, and the team
• Check in with your peers about how your perceived after a staff meeting or client call
• Monitor yourself. Be yourself; err on the side of caution when expressing opinions and decisions by using supporting data, not just your opinion.

Tune in Sunday morning when we talk on Blog talk Radio, the consultant/Insultant at 8:30 AM

Ever surprised by how you are perceived by others at work?

Remember the skills that got you hired? You were told some of the following traits were what the team or company needed:

• Risk taker
• Assertive
• Producer, you get things done
• Direct and to the point in communication
• No B.S., you take no prisoners in pushing a project
• Easy going, you can get along with anybody
• Tact & Finesse in difficult communication issues

Oops!! Then you receive the call to your boss’s office right before probation ends, or your performance review begins, or after a difficult project is completed. The conversation might be something like:   “Hmm, the staff thinks you don’t listen to input and are too abrupt. You’re being accused of flirting, being sarcastic, too flexible, not taking charge…”

I know I was stunned the first time it happened to me. Why are some people perceived as great when they are assertive and brusque, and others are perceived as mean or abrasive for the same traits? When did being diplomatic get you hired but in trouble if a project is being done too slowly?

Often times our perception of ourselves is off base the first year on a new job. When you are brought into a team or company where other employees have been there more than a year, being the new kid on the block can be most difficult. Many of us forget that while people may put on a friendly exterior, trust can take up to a year to grow. People are judging us, and watching and testing. Work is political.

Here are some tips to make sure you stay on target:

• Make sure your job description is crystal clear with you and your boss, and the team
• Check in with your peers about how you are perceived after a staff meeting or client call
• Monitor yourself. Be yourself; err on the side of caution when expressing opinions and decisions by using supporting data, not just your opinion.

Tune in Sunday morning when we talk on Blog talk Radio, the Consultant/Insultant at 8:30 AM http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

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Posted in The Mouth Trap | 4312 Comments »

May 1, 2010 by Gary Seigel.

Does the amount of money you are paid buy the right for an employer to ask insulting or intrusive questions?
 
This week the NFL came into the public eye when the General Manager of the Miami Dolphins asked Dez Bryant, a potential player:  “Is your mother a prostitute?”

This is probably not a question one might expect applying for a bank vice president position, but in the NFL, where a player could earn over six figures and be a role model to millions, are such questions kosher?

How did the NFL, current and former players react?  Seventy percent of NFL administrators and former players said that when you might be paid THIRTY MILLION dollars, any question is allowed. Thirty percent of former administrators said it was unacceptable, and Mike Ditka, former coach of the Chicago Bears said “I might have hit him if he asked me that question.”

What was the reaction at your workplace?
 
Does the amount of money you are paid impact how much your privacy can be invaded?

While State and Federal laws impact every non-sports- related business, professional sports teams are not necessarily bound by all the same laws.
 
The GM ostensibly asked that question to see how the player would react under pressure, but was the question about his mother too personal and demeaning?

Many business owners attempting to hire the right candidate in a flooded job market gather as much information as possible about an employee to protect the company.  For example, if you suspected a candidate had a drug problem in the past, or a family member in prison, or a stint in a rehab center, can you bring those issues up?  And how do you feel about being asked such intrusive questions?

During this tight economy, many employees may feel they cannot defend themselves from aggressive, intrusive company practices. Are you able to be assertive and say “That is inappropriate? Can you back off or rephrase that?”

Tune in this Sunday for the beginning of a three-week series on what can be said (or not said) at work, in interviews, and even in off-hours , when you might be sipping a beer with the CEO.  Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary’s Insultant/Consultant Show always brings you surprising commentary and deliberate controversy. This Sunday at 8:30 AM PST http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Does the amount of money you are paid buy the right for an employer to ask insulting or intrusive questions?

This week the NFL came into the public eye when the General Manager of the Miami Dolphins asked Dez Bryant, a potential player:  “Is your mother a prostitute?”

This is probably not a question one might expect applying for a bank vice president position, but in the NFL, where a player could earn over six figures and be a role model to millions, are such questions kosher?

How did the NFL, current and former players react?  Seventy percent of NFL administrators and former players said that when you might be paid THIRTY MILLION dollars, any question is allowed. Thirty percent of former administrators said it was unacceptable, and Mike Ditka, former coach of the Chicago Bears said “I might have hit him if he asked me that question.”

What was the reaction at your workplace?

Does the amount of money you are paid impact how much your privacy can be invaded?

While State and Federal laws impact every non-sports- related business, professional sports teams are not necessarily bound by all the same laws.

The GM ostensibly asked that question to see how the player would react under pressure, but was the question about his mother too personal and demeaning?

Many business owners attempting to hire the right candidate in a flooded job market gather as much information as possible about an employee to protect the company.  For example, if you suspected a candidate had a drug problem in the past, or a family member in prison, or a stint in a rehab center, can you bring those issues up?  And how do you feel about being asked such intrusive questions?

During this tight economy, many employees may feel they cannot defend themselves from aggressive, intrusive company practices. Are you able to be assertive and say “That is inappropriate? Can you back off or rephrase that?”

Tune in this Sunday for the beginning of a three-week series on what can be said (or not said) at work, in interviews, and even in off-hours , when you might be sipping a beer with the CEO.  Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary’s Insultant/Consultant Show always brings you surprising commentary and deliberate controversy. This Sunday at 8:30 AM PST http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant< -->

Posted in The Mouth Trap | 4210 Comments »

April 24, 2010 by Gary Seigel.

Dear Bill,

I talked to cousin Sam yesterday and he said you were supposed to call me re: the funeral.

I was so upset you didn’t call me. I would not have missed it for anything. Next time, call me when someone dies in the family.

Love, Marla

———————————————————————————————————

Dear Marla,

You didn’t go to either of my sons’ weddings last year. Why would you suddenly appear at a funeral? And I didn’t call you because Sam said he’d make those calls himself. You should know me better than that.

Bill

———————————————————————————————————

Dear Bill

I’m sorry. I wasn’t mad at you. That’s just the information I got. You know I was sick last year and couldn’t make either of the weddings. Don’t have such a fit.

 Marla

——————————————————————————————————-

Dear Marla,

I’m not having a fit… Next time, pick up the phone and ask me what’s going on rather than accuse me via mail.

Bill

Dear Bill,

What accusations are you talking about?

Marla

And it goes on and on.

The two bicker back and forth, never picking up the phone to discuss the matter, and before you know, the emails are forwarded to family and friends, each one defending their position.

Ever have an email war with your family?  Tension builds. Frustrations grow out of control. And whatever you put in your writing, it’s there forever.

A lot of times we forget embarrassing and shameful things that are said out loud. They just disappear out of our memory. But with emails, they live forever.

They could survive an Icelandic volcano, because they are invisible creatures that never die.

Find out how to control them and keep your family safe from troublesome emails.  Tune into Dr. Gary and Dr Brian’s Insultant/ Consultant Show this Sunday at 8:30 am and discover some tricks, secrets, and strategies for keeping you and your family out of email hell.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Posted in The Mouth Trap | 4766 Comments »

February 8, 2010 by Gary Seigel.

                                                                        Fired up?

You’d think he was fightin’ mad.

After only seven months on the job, he and his entire staff were fired this week.

He lost what has sometimes been called the best job in the world.

And he’s being replaced by the very person who had the job originally.

But Conan O’Brian spoke of his job loss at NBC with his usual flair and sense of humor.

“Tonight I am allowed to say whatever I want. No, I really am,” he said, prefacing what the audience expected to be an outpour of sarcasm and vitriol. But, no, he diplomatically praised NBC and thanked the company for all that they did for him in the past twenty years.

That, my friends, is how you do it.…with kindness, sincerity, and discretion.   If you lose your job or suffer the loss of an important client, even if you feel it’s unfair, unwarranted and plain wrong, it makes sense to filter your words so you say the right thing. 

Burning your bridge in 21010 means you’ll have no where to go should opportunities ever come your way.

 Here are tips to help you filter what you’re thinking and make smart choices of what to say:

1. Make a list of everything that’s bothering you – what makes you angry, frustrated, and even vindictive.
2. Take full responsibility for each of these. How did I contribute to this problem?
3. What issues are worth sharing with my boss?
4. By sharing this with your boss, will any of this help you keep your job or move you in a direction where you can expect a positive referral?
5. If there is no real rhyme or reason to share (it won’t help your future), say nothing.
6. In that case, thank your power people at  work for everything they’ve done. Show appreciation. Keep both feet in the business until the day you leave. And feel proud that if you left your business today, you can depend on your boss for a positive referral.

Conan’s farewell speech came probably after many days of heated negotiation. But we didn’t feel any of that when he spoke the other night because he showed restraint as well as humility.

. Once the anger subsides and logic kicks in, you can make smart decisions that may prove valuable some day. You never know who you may bump into or need as a referral.

The business world is a lot smaller than you think.

Posted in The Mouth Trap | 4224 Comments »

January 3, 2010 by Gary Seigel.

It started early in the evening when I went to CVS to buy vitamins that cost $11.46

After waiting in line for nearly fifteen minutes, I gave the cashier   $21 dollars and 46 cents, and she gave me back $9.

“I gave you $20 and a $1 bill plus the change,” I told her.

“I know, you did.”  She snapped back.

“So you should give me $10 back, right? “

She looked at me like I had stepped on her dog.

“Here!” She slapped the ten dollar bill on the counter. And then she shouted, “Next customer!”

So I walked out of the store on this glorious warm Southern California evening, near the end of this difficult and challenging year, feeling strangely dismissed and angry. Should I say something to her or to her manager?  Or should I just keep my comments to myself?

I decided it’s New Year’s Eve —   say nothing and go next door to Von’s Market, and buy the few groceries I needed.

Here, the transactions went smoothly. I used a credit card. I grabbed the bag of groceries from Wynona, the checker’s assistant, and as she bagged the lettuce and bananas, she yelled at the grocery cashier on the next aisle. “Alice, is this day ever going to end? How about you? When do you get off?”

Alice yelled back. “I’m working an extra shift tonight. I’ll be here till midnight.”

“Oh Crap!  I can’t wait to get off work. I don’t know how you do it. I get off at nine, thank God!”

And I walked out of the store, I wondered if Wynona and Alice even knew there were customers there, and did it matter that they shared a somewhat private conversation with a couple dozen customers shopping and walking through Von’s on New Year’s Eve?

It was nearly 7 p.m., and I stopped to buy a bag of ice at the local liquor store.

The owner wished me a happy New Year and added: “I always take great care of my wonderful customers. Thank you for coming in!”  What a nice thing to say, I thoughyt. I drove home, feeling appreciated and rewarded, quite a different experience from what happened earlier in the evening. 

Here’s the dilemma.

That liquor store owner invests her energy in her store and in her customers.  All she sells, really, is service. I can get ice anywhere, and her ice is a dollar more than Von’s. But when I go to her strip mall store, I am buying quick, helpful, cordial, professional service, and it costs her nothing to smile or, for that matter, to be nice.

Would she get the same service from someone she hired for, let’s say,   ten bucks an hour?

Why not?

 How is it more difficult for employees to simply apologize when they make a mistake? “I’m so sorry. My mistake. Here’s your correct change. Have a great New Year!”

Or, save the backstage conversations for breaks instead of having them in front of the customers.  

Is it because these employees make less money? Do they feel disrespected by their boss so they purposely act rude? Or do they just care less about the unprofessionalism they display?

I don’t know, but if these situations sound familiar to you – and you work in an environment where you talk to customers every day — here are two suggestions:  

1. If you’re in the retail business, you’re on stage. Don’t draw the curtain and create backstage talk/gossip/private chat that you wouldn’t want heard in front of everyone.  One kind word to a customer can lead to hundreds of return visits. One rude response can lead to a thousand negative comments.
2. If you make a mistake, apologize. Just say “I’m sorry.” How difficult is that?  After all, we all make mistakes. Acknowledge it, and let the customer know you’re sorry. Be kind and courteous and sincere to your customers for they are the ones who make your future possible. Naturally, we are paid to do a good job, but let’s face it: You never know if you might meet someone who will eventually pay you for your wonderful service and expertise somewhere else.

My sister-in-law hires (steals) customer service people from stores all the time. Why spend money from an ad when you can see people in action at your local Macy’s or Penny’s and recruit the best right then and there!

If you’re thinking this job stinks, I’m a low paying employee. I hate what I’m doing. This customer drives me crazy. When do I get off? That thinking will manifest itself in an attitude and behavior that often comes off irritating and unprofessional.

So think different.

Convince yourself of this:  I’m glad to work here. This is a blessing. These customers depend on me. This is my universe right now. Let me soar. And if nothing else, I am engaged to my job because I may meet someone who will see my skills and reward me for my expertise.

That frame of mind can create a very different behavior and customer service environment that can be remarkable, achievable, and  quite rewarding.

Posted in The Mouth Trap | 4769 Comments »